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After All

by Adam Mish

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1.
Delayed 03:24
I owe various people $1250 on Friday needless to say I'm not even close renting out this room and I can't even sleep here I didn't think this was how this story'd go so I walked a block and sang to myself under the overpass a bus driver looked at me and I just shook my head oh it's times like these that I just gotta get the fuck outta here but the car's not mine and anyways it's dead see I don't want to get caught up in my own fairy tales if there's a lesson here then I can't recall the line oh my flight to New York City has been delayed even though the plane's gonna take off on time see I don't want to get caught up in my own fairy tales if there's a lesson here then I can't recall the line oh my flight to come and see you has been delayed even though the plane's gonna take off on time
2.
Four Lines 03:29
this blessed day I'll cross my I's and dot my T's we both knew that this was coming and it's just as bad as we thought it might be I heard the wind before I ever felt the blow I dug a hole near that gazebo but I didn't know what to put in it though I taped a note onto a wooden beam it read to any living person reading this I just wanted to take a moment and tell you that something happened near to here it isn't clear exactly what even after what I've been told has been 10 years and I just thought that perhaps you should know I wish I had some more to say about it but it's become very clear I don't I wrote sincerely but left off my name just in case the person reading was looking for somebody to blame and as I glided through the gate this time instead the pavement pushed up something I had written long ago and promptly ripped to shreads just couldn't not hear Main Street's divine bells and it's a joke how fucking meaningless these four lines must seem to anybody else just please paint me an abstract painting just please sing to me lady in waiting just please hold the whole entire world in your hands just please hold my cold sweat drenched hand
3.
how can you be happier without me? it's 9 years later and I'm still 16 on the other end outside of my house just leafless frozen trees and over that mountain there's just more leafless frozen trees again and again and so on I only wanna talk if you're as miserable as me staring at a wall feeling somehow less then nothing if I'm not the one you needed to save you how can I be the savior that I need to think I was? again and again and so on and morning comes again unchanged again undone and I've got no clean clothes to wear and I've got a letter in a drawer with a tiny inch long tear I couldn't bear to rip it more these blinds make lines upon my feet and for the 12th goddamn day this week the sun has stopped producing heat and these 4 blank walls they just stare at me you couldn't wait one goddamn second just for me to get back home and so I crawled my way out here like a cat crawls into an abandoned warehouse and as these seasons change amidst this coffee and dry toast the weather beckons me to sense again I think I miss smell the most and now as winter and spring pass I feel the frigid summer breeze and all these changes in the weather feel like changes that should be happening in me how can you be happier without me?
4.
we are the chains themselves held down by our own weight holding love down to a chair while a man in a mask floats away and who are we to say wait? we are the chains themselves made of chains made of chains to infinity until we rest on finite thoughts until we try again and again and so on we are the chains themselves laying still on the ground noise from shattered panes still lingers in a room where we both thought we'd found an escape from sound we are the chains themselves but what the fuck's that mean? she was wearing red when she told me that there's so much that can't be seen and let alone believed
5.
Glory Be 04:15
this gum has been chewed yes the flavor has been gone for days I chomp and I suck but the texture it just stays the same my brain it is made out of stone and it's skipping away across a forgotten fountain no one bothered to drain oh great god oh great tree oh great you oh great me glory be a torrential downpour straight in to a new swimming pool I tried to help with mouth to mouth but I couldn't fined you I've become less scared of the storms even the ones outside convinced that I could control weather if only i'd try oh thank god willow trees shading you shading me glory be pressure to perform is the only reason that I can't I waited till just the right time and then waited again I pleaded please just help me get the fuck out of my head she said if I haven't freed you yet I don't think I can oh my god falling trees crushing you crushing me glory be
6.
once there was an I an I who still pined for you and once there was an I an I who knew checked the mail coming through like I usually do oh but what I received that day was anything but usual and once there was an I an I who still knew for sure and once there was an I an I that was yours I opened up your note and I read it over and over and over and over and with my final words he said "I'll always love you" then he died, and he won't ever be alive again
7.
you left out the truth between shots of Tennessee Whiskey straight from the bottle now your lipstick's smeared on everything you drew a tattoo on my shoulder with a marker it was a playing card joker it rubbed off onto your cheek by the next morning I bought us a 6 pack we each drank three and then I laid down in the dirt but you didn't really wanna get dirty with me I was drinking Irish coffee you were strung out and jealous and mean so I left 5 in the morning you call and I let you in and I sang happy birthday
8.
I've fallen in love I mean I fell in love all those years ago can't even count the ways you've changed my ways oh how I love the way we are I mean the way we were seems I gotta take what I can take and let you go but I will fight I swore I'd fight till there was nothing left now there's nothing left here at all so I will march the final march down to our place and I will sing the final song to no one
9.
After All 04:48
lift up your eyes now please and keep them on me I've got something good this time if you can believe after all these songs after all this rum after all our pride after all these lies after all I've put you through after all after all lift up your eyes now please and keep them on me I've got something good this time if you can believe after all these songs after all this rum after all our pride after all these lies and with the sunroof open and the rain pouring in I gunned it straight past Charlotte thinking what the fuck have I got left to lose? and what I never learned to do was to forget what I had learned I’d rolled around in so much shit and covered in it I met her her favorite color’s yellow and her favorite ice cream is pistachio and that’s the point where I realized that I’m in trouble my body felt the same except floating two inches off the ground I knew her goosebumps told the truth we stopped like time forever now and standing there amidst the falling leaves the dying trees the warm breeze and the smell of weed and all eternity she said to me you’ll never never be alone not while I’m here not while I’m here dear so lift up your eyes now please and keep them on me I've got something good this time if you can believe after all these songs after all this rum after all our pride after all these lies after all I've put you through after all after all after you

about

all songs recorded between September 2015 and January 2016 on a single microphone in Eastern North Carolina.

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released March 8, 2016

Mastering by Ryan DiPietrantonio @ Confectionery Factory Studios

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Adam Mish California

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